System: Arcade
Manufacturer: Bally Midway
Year: 1982
Ranking: Four Quarters
Growing up hamburgers came in one of two forms. The first, most popular option, was the fast-food burger. McDonald's and Burger King reigned supreme in this court. The second, much more common option, was the home BBQ burger. Here well-done was the way they were done. Think charcoal brisket burger. Imagine my surprise, when I was sixteen and discovered that there was such a divine item as "the gourmet hamburger", and that it existed steps away from my physics lecture at a place called Mr. Bartley's Gourmet Burgers, henceforth simply referred to as Bartley's.
Bartley's burgers are culinary masterpieces. Layer upon layer of delicious ingredient is piled carefully on top of each other to create towering skyscrapers of burger goodness. The first time I beheld a Bartley's burger, I had to take several moments to figure out how I would fit the behemoth into my mouth. Staring at that burger, I was reminded the arcade classic BurgerTime. In that game, the protagonist, Peter Pepper, is chased around a multistory maze desperately trying to construct the world's largest burgers while being chased by anthropomorphized food. If I assume that Peter Pepper comes in at an average height of about 5 feet 9 inches tall (1.75 m), then those arcade burgers he's making are a whopping 11 and a half feet (3.5 m) thick!
I'm not really sure why Peter is making those burgers, but it sure is fun to try to help him out. BurgerTime combines winning elements of two wildly successful early arcade games. First it draws its construction site platform and ladder aesthetic from Donkey Kong. Second, it borrows the chase and maze mechanic from Pac Man. Here ghosts are replaced with 6 ft tall BBQ items. Although a bit unusual, a competing greasy spoon down the street from Bartley's, the Tasty, did serve a slippery burger topped with cheese, bacon and a fried egg. Layer on top of the proven arcade elements new features like falling burger parts and Peter's pepper sprayer, and you have a winning combination.
What keeps the game fresh is the various and sundry ways one has to deal with the enemies. First, there is the standard avoidance tactic. As near as I can tell, none of the food items have the same sophisticated algorithms seen in Pac Man. They simply head for Peter Pepper. In fact, they operate under a bit of a delay since they can't change direction while they are in the middle of a ladder, unlike Peter. Second, Peter can hit them with a dash of pepper to freeze them. This allows him to pass right through them without harm. Third, Peter can drop burger parts like hell from above, knocking Food Foes over and sending them back to their spawn point. Finally, he can start walking across a burger ingredient, wait for his enemies to walk onto to the same piece, and then finish his trip across to drop both the burger piece and the hostile food at the same time. The key to racking up a high score and wrapping up a level fast is to group the Food Foes together and get them to walk onto the topmost bun all at the same time before dropping everything and everyone.
One aspect of the game that I've wondered about inordinately is speed. How fast is Peter Pepper trying to get away from those fiendishly tall foods? I figured that he had to be humming along if he wanted to make those burgers fast enough not to get gobbled up himself. Using the average height of French Chefs and measuring the amount of time it took Peter to travel between known points on the scaffolding I generated some rough numbers.
The first number I calculated was the speed that Peter Pepper traveled up the length of the first level. For the Arcade version, Peter scales the ladder at a fairly good clip of 5.4 mph. To put that in perspective, a typical person walking on a flat surface travels at about 3.1 mph. A good jog, one that I might use at the gym on any given day, is about 6 mph. Peter Pepper is practically running up those ladders! I was also happy to confirm that I got similar speeds on all three of my emulation machines. In the Atari 2600 and 5200 versions, Peter travels at a slower, more reasonable speed of about 4.0 mph. This is not very surprising, given that a common complaint of the Atari 2600 version is that it is "slow". Finally, all the exercise that Peter got in the earlier versions of the game, paid off because in the GameBoy version he runs up those ladders at a blistering 7.8 mph.
After wandering down this rabbit hole, I was a bit surprised to realize that Peter Pepper travels a lot faster across the flat surfaces than up and down the ladder -- at least on the first level. In the Arcade version, he's moving over two times his vertical speed when moving horizontally. A whopping 12.0 mph! This is almost on pace with the world's best marathoners, who typically post speeds near 13.0 mph. The Atari versions also have a speed up, although not nearly so dramatic. In the Atari 2600 version his speed increases to 6.5 mph, and in the Atari 5200 version it increases to 7.2 mph. Interestingly, in the GameBoy version, Peter Pepper has the same horizontal and vertical speeds. Unless you are playing the GameBoy version, it is much better to try to outrun your enemies on flat ground than it is to try to outclimb them on the ladders.
It is worth noting that all of these speeds were calculated on the first level of each version, and Peter's speeds may change as he progresses further in his culinary career.
The line has always been long at Bartley's, but thankfully the wait is short. I like to think that somewhere in the back there's a olympian marathoner named Peter, scurrying around a 17 story rube goldberg tower of food, assembling the most monumental burgers in Harvard Square. Thankfully to generations of burger aficionados, Mr. Bartley found that miniaturization ray in Area 51 in the late 1950s so that we could enjoy Peter Pepper's magnificent creations in digestible dimensions.
Alternate Versions
Game: BurgerTime
System: Atari 2600
Publisher: M Network
Year: 1982
Ranking: Two Quarters
Game: BurgerTime
System: Atari 2600
Publisher: M Network
Year: 1982
Ranking: Two Quarters
Game: Beef Drop
System: Atari 5200
Author: Ken Siders
Year: 2004
Ranking: Four Quarters
System: GameBoy
Publisher: Data East
Year: 1991
Ranking: Four Quarters
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